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Here We Go Again!

March 19, 2010

I had my first “Big Girl” ultrasound yesterday.  I thought I would prefer the abdominal ultrasound but it was pretty uncomfortable too.  It was probably because the ultrasound tech was jamming the wand into my stomach to get some good pictures.  Oh, well.  The ultrasound was for our Nuchal Translucency screen.  It was great seeing the bean again.  At first, he/she was moving around but then, he/she settled in for a nap.  The tech took lots of measurements but had a little trouble getting the nuchal fold measurement because the bean decided to take a nap with his/her chin on her chest.  After much coughing and jiggling to get the bean into position, the measurements were finally complete.  Our measurement was 1.49mm.  Anything less than 3mm is considered normal so Mr. B and I were relieved.  They also drew blood and we should have those results in about a week.  The Maternal Fetal Specialist was encouraged by what she saw so far.  We’ll see what the next week brings.  I was a little nervous watching the bean so still.  His/her heart was pounding away at 166 but was sacked out.  The tech said the babies have lots of sleep periods and not to be too concerned.  These days, I’m still finding it hard not to be concerned about everything.  The heart was beating so the baby is still alive.

I’m still feeling pretty yucky these days.  I puked up my dinner a couple of nights ago and came close a few times since then.  I also get the major gags when talking on my cell phone in the car.  Not sure why.  I think it’s really bizarre.  With that being said, I don’t do much talking these days.  My work commute has gotten way more boring as a result but bored is better than vomit any day!  I’m also still having trouble eating.  Food=gross.  I’m in the 11th week now so I’m sincerely hoping that these days of feeling like crap are numbered.  The Zofran still works for me but it makes me so constipated that I’ve opted not to take it most days.  Feeling nauseous is alot less scary than straining to have a BM.

Finally, the drama continues.  Yesterday morning, I woke up with brown spotting on the toilet paper a couple of times.  I was naive to think I was out of the woods with the bleeding/spotting but it returned.  It also went away as quickly and seeing the bean yesterday afternoon was positive reinforcement.  Well, I woke up at 3am to go to the bathroom and got an unpleasant surprise.  Brick red blood in the toilet and brown on the paper.   No cramping, thankfully but it still scared the shit out of me.  I’ve decided that I have a cause and effect relationship with the bleeding.  Being happy about pregnancy=bleeding in the toilet.  This morning, I am debating on whether or not to call Dr. RE.  The thing is, I just had an ultrasound yesterday.  The ultrasound tech also saw the area of “fluid” and the second sac yesterday.  I’ve had this type of bleeding before and everything was OK.  And what can Dr. RE do anyway?  Probably another ultrasound.  If things are taking a turn for the worse, they can’t do anything to change it, right?  My next scheduled appointment is on Monday.  Can I wait til Monday?  Gosh, I sound completely beaten down.  It sucks because that’s the way I really feel about all of this.  As soon as I start to really bond with this baby and this experience, something like this happens to bring me back to reality…quickly.  I really hate that I can’t ever feel happy about this.  The one thing that did reassure me this morning was being able to find baby’s heartbeat on my doppler.  Maybe that’s why I’m not racing to Dr. RE’s office at the moment.  We’ll see how the afternoon goes. 

Another frustration is hating the turn that this blog has taken.  I thought pregnancy was supposed to be a happy time.  I thought I would make people sick about how happy I would be that I’ve finally gotten my turn to be pregnant and, God willing, become a mother.  Instead, it’s a weekly bitch fest.  UUUGGGHHHH!  Pity Party for one, please.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 19, 2010 11:00 am

    I’m so glad your scan went well and you were able to see the little bean again. But I really wish you weren’t having to deal with the bleeding. I’ve been there, it’s SO scary, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. That said, just try to hold on to the knowledge that you know the second sac and the fluid is still there, and that’s most likely what’s causing these episodes.

    This too shall pass, and you WILL be posting sickeningly happy posts very soon. I just know it.

  2. March 20, 2010 1:37 am

    I am so sorry this begining part has been so hard, but I really believe it is going to get better for you… I’ve got my fingers crossed for you!

  3. March 20, 2010 12:46 pm

    hey – this is your blog and you can use it for whatever you want! i can’t even begin to imagine how stressful this has been for you. but it’s happened before, and the Dr said it might happen again because of that pesky sac and fluid, so it’s probably nothing to worry about — but it’s still okay to be scared. you’ll be that gushing happy pregnant lady in no time — and i’ll still be reading along! 🙂

  4. March 21, 2010 10:47 am

    Congrats on your pregnancy!! I would love to feature your success story on my blog! Here’s the link for the questions: (http://stressfreeinfertilityblog.com/2010/01/17/calling-all-success-stories/). Thanks so much in advance! I hope your queeziness subsides soon. BTW, I just added your link! 😉

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