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Fears Realized?

January 29, 2010

When I got up this morning, I went to the bathroom.  I strained a bit to have a BM and looked down and saw bright red blood in the toilet.  The area of blood was the size of a quarter with no cramping or clots.  I totally lost it.  I went to the clinic for my 2nd beta as scheduled and had my uterine blood flow ultrasound.  I cried throughout the ultrasound and the tech really did her best to calm me down.   I am so thankful for that.  She even continued to reassure me with each measurement of my lining (15) and ovaries and anything else she could give me a number on.  The good news is that the blood flow in my uterus is excellent standing up and lying down.  And when the ultrasound tech took the dildocam out, there wasn’t a speck of blood to be found which was of some relief to me.  I’ve been to the bathroom a few times since and no blood.  I then sat down with my nurse and I lost my shit again.  She gave me a hug and tried her best to calm me down.  She told me that 80% of their patients have some type of bleeding/spotting.  She wasn’t overly concerned as I recalled the events detail by detail.  She said if my numbers continued to double, we could rest easier.  I left the clinic and drove home sobbing like a fool.  Is the story really gonna be that I only got to be pregnant for a week.  Is it all going to be taken away from me now? 

As soon as I got home, my nurse called with the second beta number which is 374.  It doubled!!!   She told me to relax and take it very easy this weekend.  The RE also said he wasn’t concerned and told her to reassure me.  I am going back on Monday at 8am for a 3rd Beta just to be on the safe side.  If all continues to progress, I will have an ultrasound Thursday to see how many sacs are in there.  So, just in case I wasn’t terrified enough, I really am now!  I’m beside myself with worry and now I get the added pleasure of having a panic attack every time nature calls me to the bathroom.  It’s going to be a very long weekend.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Erin permalink
    January 29, 2010 1:35 pm

    I want to say “don’t worry” because that’s what you should do, but of course you will think about this just about every second. What I can tell you that will (hopefully) make you feel better is that I had spotting in the beginning of being pregnant (at the time I didn’t know I was, so I actually thought it was the start of my period…ignorance is bliss) for two days. Then after I realized that I didn’t get a FULL period a few days later I took a test and got a positive…then I bled more after that for three days straight which nearly drove me insane. I have actually had spotting a few other times during my pregnancy and it is so scary, but unfortunately normal. Hang in there and know that it has been normal for me and everything is fine!!

  2. Sarahlouise1980 permalink
    January 29, 2010 3:21 pm

    Awh hon, I am sorry that you are having to go through this stress. It is going to be extremely hard but try to relax as much as possible. Get DH to grab you a bunch of stupid girlie movies and watch them all to keep your mind distracted as much as possible.

    And it almost goes without saying but you know we are here if you need to vent.

  3. January 29, 2010 5:53 pm

    oh no! i’m so sorry this happened! i don’t want you worrying, but i know there’s no way you won’t be able to not worry. the second beta is great and that’s certainly a very positive sign. just keep your feet up and relax this weekend. we can be on bed rest together!

  4. January 30, 2010 7:20 am

    I just wanted to let you know…I bled too. It was horrifying and I’ll never forget sitting on the bathroom toilet crying my eyes out…..in my case all turned out well. http://murgdan.blogspot.com/2009/09/breathing-again.html
    I hope it does for you too…and your betas are AWESOME!

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